Humor Quotes
Humor is kindly. Wit is caustic.
Humor is the ability to discern in a kindly way the folly in what is considered normal, sublime behavior, and to discern the discrepancy in what appears as a truth.
How awful the thought of oneness-the yoga idea. One merging into all and all merging into one. Just think of merging into Herbert Hoover.
The people are applauding you because none of them understands you and applauding me because everybody understands me.
All I need is the opportunity,' I said confidently. He smiled. 'Seventeen's very young, and you look even younger.' I shrugged off-handedly. 'That's a question of make-up.' Karno laughed. That shrug, he told Sydney later, got me the job.
Through humour, we see in what seems rational, the irrational; in what seems important, the unimportant.
The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.
Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.
The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.
The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.
If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.
Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled.
Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.
Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.
A moderately honest man with a moderately faithful wife, moderate drinkers both, in a moderately healthy house: that is the true middle class unit.
Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.
The way to deal with worldly people is to frighten them by repeating their scandalous whisperings aloud.
It's a dangerous thing to be married right up to the hilt, like my daughter's husband. The man is at home all day, like a damned soul in hell.
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
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