Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent. Leave that to me.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

The authorities liked to say that we received a balanced diet; it was indeed balanced - between the unpalatable and the inedible.

My constant prayer, these days, as I start my backswing is, 'Oh, please let me swing slowly.' The trouble is that sometimes I wonder whether I swing at all; whether I am not strictly a chopper."

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.