Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent. Leave that to me.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know.

My mom loved to sing - and I'll go on record and say she was the worst singer ever. I'd get up and move away from her!

I had holes in my jeans well before it was fashionable.

It's not all wet towels and naked women. I was so disappointed to learn that.