An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

When it comes to gossip, I have to readily admit men are as guilty as women.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it wouldimprove the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.