Americans are funny people. First, you shock them, and then they put you in a museum.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it wouldimprove the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.