Americans are funny people. First, you shock them, and then they put you in a museum.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.