God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four days.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.