God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.