Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

When a man hears himself somewhat misrepresented, it provokes him - at least, I find it so with myself; but when the misrepresentation becomes very gross and palpable, it is more apt to amuse him.

Douglas is playing cuttlefish, a small species of fish that has no mode of defending itself when pursued except by throwing out a black fluid, which makes the water so dark the enemy cannot see it.

Has it not got down as thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had starved to Death ?

Just think of such a sucker as me as President!