I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

It's a dangerous thing to be married right up to the hilt, like my daughter's husband. The man is at home all day, like a damned soul in hell.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.