Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.