Funny Quotes

Well, a funny thing, there are three that I like all for the same reason, golf, fishing, and shooting, and I do because first, they take you into the fields. There is mild exercise, the kind that an older individual probably should have. And on top of it, it induces you to take at any one time 2 or 3 hours, if you can, where you are thinking of the bird or that ball or the wily trout. Now, to my mind it is a very healthful, beneficial kind of thing, and I do it whenever I get a chance, as you well know.

I'm totally anti-nostalgia; I never listen to old Rolling Stones records. I'm not really interested in them. They're funny, sometimes, to hear.

Americans are funny people. First, you shock them, and then they put you in a museum.

It's funny how money changes a situation.

I guess what I always found funny was the human condition. There is a certain comedy and pathos to trouble and accidents. Like, when a driver has parked his car crookedly and then wonders why he has the bad luck of being hit.

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.

I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.

Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

What a sad business, being funny.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny.

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.