Taking jobs to build up your resume is the same as saving up sex for old age.

I'm not interested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room. Give me drugs.

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me."

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.