Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it wouldimprove the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

Humor is kindly. Wit is caustic.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.