The authorities liked to say that we received a balanced diet; it was indeed balanced - between the unpalatable and the inedible.

A joke is a very serious thing.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

It is a very fine thing to refuse an invitation, but it is a good thing to wait till you get it first.

Humor is kindly. Wit is caustic.