The authorities liked to say that we received a balanced diet; it was indeed balanced - between the unpalatable and the inedible.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.

Humor is kindly. Wit is caustic.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

Saving is a fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.