When I was a small boy in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing and... we talked about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I told him that I wanted to be a real major league baseball player, a genuine professional like Honus Wagner. My friend said that he'd like to be President of the United States. Neither of us got our wish.

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent. Leave that to me.

Saving is a fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

First come the innovators, then come the imitators, then come the idiots.

Asking for financial advice from a financial planner is like asking a barber if you need a haircut.