It is a very fine thing to refuse an invitation, but it is a good thing to wait till you get it first.

A joke is a very serious thing.

The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it wouldimprove the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.