As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me."

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

Call no man unhappy until he is married.

A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

Our dog chases people on a bike. We've had to take it off him.