If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman or a new car!

"I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday." I don't see why not, young man. You look reasonably fit and healthy.

Call no man unhappy until he is married.

A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.