Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent. Leave that to me.

Taking jobs to build up your resume is the same as saving up sex for old age.

It's a dangerous thing to be married right up to the hilt, like my daughter's husband. The man is at home all day, like a damned soul in hell.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.