Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent. Leave that to me.

Taking jobs to build up your resume is the same as saving up sex for old age.

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled.

The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.