A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

Call no man unhappy until he is married.

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me."

I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying; and for this reason; I can never be satisfied with any one who would be blockhead enough to have me.

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.