Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

It's a dangerous thing to be married right up to the hilt, like my daughter's husband. The man is at home all day, like a damned soul in hell.

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me."