April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four days.

Mark Twain

April FoolsRemindDays

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Mark Twain

GodCreaturesCatSlave...+1

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

Mark Twain

PersonOffendDoubtIntentional...+1

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Mark Twain

GodWarAmericansGeography...+1

When I first met him [David Beckham] I didn't know whether to shake his hand or lick his face.

Robbie Williams

David BeckhamShakeHandFace

If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it.

Mark Twain

VotingDifferenceLet