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Whenever I'm sick, my doctor jokes that I have Beiber Fever!

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So remember this is a bieber world, your just living in it. Bieber or die.

My first date has been...mythologized as 'Bieber's Dating Disaster.' I took her to a buffet restaurant. Yes, I wore a white shirt. Yes, I got spaghetti.

My grandmother is basically blind, but she can make out the lighter parts, like my skin and hair. She says, 'I can see you, because you have no pants on.' So I'll continue to wear no pants so that my grandma can see me.

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.

If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman or a new car!

Some people tap their feet, some people snap their fingers, and some people sway back and forth. I just sorta do 'em all together, I guess.