Wit Quotes

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

The business man - a man to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

The educated man is a greater nuisance than the uneducated one.

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.

Opera is when a tenor and soprano want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

All autobiographies are lies. I do not mean unconscious, unintentional lies: I mean deliberate lies.

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income.

I have just got a new theory of eternity.

I wish my horse had the speed of your tongue.

Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.

Brevity is the soul of wit.