Upon meeting, you're judged by your clothes, upon parting you're judged by your wits.

A bore is a person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.

I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.