I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!

I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

Upon meeting, you're judged by your clothes, upon parting you're judged by your wits.

A bore is a person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

The art of prophecy is very difficult, especially with respect to the future.