I can't help it if the ladies take note of me; I am not going to protest.

It is a very fine thing to refuse an invitation, but it is a good thing to wait till you get it first.

A joke is a very serious thing.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst.

Humor is kindly. Wit is caustic.