The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

All autobiographies are lies. I do not mean unconscious, unintentional lies: I mean deliberate lies.

Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. May not one lost soul be permitted to abstain?

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.