Oh, I was not made for heaven. No, I don't want to go to heaven. Hell is much better. Think of all the interesting people you're going to meet down there.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.

The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst.

Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. May not one lost soul be permitted to abstain?

Opera is when a tenor and soprano want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.