There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it wouldimprove the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.