Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

A joke is a very serious thing.

It is a very fine thing to refuse an invitation, but it is a good thing to wait till you get it first.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.

The authorities liked to say that we received a balanced diet; it was indeed balanced - between the unpalatable and the inedible.