Humor Quotes

It's like the kettle killed itself rather than be used by me.

Starts out slow and then fizzles out altogether.

Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too.

Therapy is extremely expensive. Popping bubble wrap is radically cheap.

You know Death will get you in the end, but if you are smart and have a sense of humor, you can thumb your nose at it for awhile.

There's no 'dumb-ass' vaccine.

Gluttony, do not eat thy neighbor's wife's popcorn.

I arm myself with punch lines and a big old water gun.

Rod Stewart, Elton John and I were going to form a band called Hair, Nose & Teeth after the three of us. But it hasn't happened because none of us can agree on the order of the words!

Is Billy Idol just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?

I'm a born entertainer. When I open the fridge door and the light goes on, I burst into song.

I am the only man who can say he's been in Take That and at least two members of the Spice Girls.

I'm quite obviously not the world's most handsome man - I'm the second world's most handsome man!

I met Courtney Love and she said she'd like to sleep with me, but she couldn't cos of my "pop-star thing"... so I said to her I couldn't sleep with her either - cos of her 'ugly thing'.

Good evening everybody, my name is Robbie Williams, this is my band and for the next two hours YOUR ASS IS MINE!

It would be great to see somebody like Kid Rock kissing a man. But I'm sure that he wouldn't like the prospect of it put to him, and I won't even go there with Eminem.

When I first met him [David Beckham] I didn't know whether to shake his hand or lick his face.

An awful lot of gay pop stars pretend to be straight. I'm going to start a movement of straight pop stars pretending to be gay.

Perhaps I'm absolutely bonkers and don't know it. Perhaps I'm psychotically mental.

I'm quite open to the fact that I might be a tinfoil-hat freak.