I usually eat four or five raw carrots with my meat, and that is all. I must be part rabbit; I never get bored with raw carrots.

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know.

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.