Good evening everybody, my name is Robbie Williams, this is my band and for the next two hours YOUR ASS IS MINE!

Is Billy Idol just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?

It came in a vision - a man appeared on a flaming pie and said unto them, 'From this day forward you are Beatles with an A.' Thank you Mister Man, they said, thanking him.

The authorities liked to say that we received a balanced diet; it was indeed balanced - between the unpalatable and the inedible.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.