Wit Quotes

[I am] horribly entangled with the Ancient Britons, the Romans, the Angles, Saxons and Jutes, all of whom I thought I had escaped from for ever when I left school!

In all correspondence, it would be more convenient to use the word "Persia" instead of "Iran," as otherwise dangerous mistakes may easily occur through the similarity of Iran and Iraq....Formal correspondence with the Persian Government should of course be conducted in the form they like.

It is pretty tough to reshape human society in an after-dinner speech.

The first maxim of English jurisprudence is that complainers should come into Court with clean hands.

It is a very fine thing to refuse an invitation, but it is a good thing to wait till you get it first.

The stern compression of circumstances, the twinges of adversity, the spur of slights and taunts in early years, are needed to evoke that ruthless fixity of purpose and tenacious wit without which great actions are seldom accomplished.

Toilet paper too thin, newspapers too fat!

I had been brought up and trained to have the utmost contempt for people who got drunk - and I would have liked to have the boozing scholars of the Universities wheeled into line and properly chastised for their squalid misuse of what I must ever regard as a gift of the gods.

In the twinkling of an eye I found myself without an office, without a seat, without a party, and without an appendix.

By noon it was clear that the Socialists would have a majority. At luncheon my wife said to me, 'It may well be a blessing in disguise.' I replied, 'At the moment it seems quite effectively disguised.'

I drink and smoke and I am two hundred percent fit.

Either we stay at home and become pillars of the community or we go out and tour. We couldn't really find any communities that still needed pillars.

Has success ruined the Grateful Dead? Yeah.

We've been trying to sell out for years. Problem is that no one was buying.

We're like bad architecture and old whores. Eventually you become respectable.

I'm not Beethoven!

I won't say anything 'cause no one ever listens to me, anyway. I might as well be a Leonard Cohen record.

Radiohead didn't copy The 1975, they're fucking Radiohead. They could steal my actual legs and and I'd not be bothered anyways.

Oh, I was not made for heaven. No, I don't want to go to heaven. Hell is much better. Think of all the interesting people you're going to meet down there.

We came to South America originally because we were invited down. They wanted four wholesome lads to play some nice music. Now I'd like to buy up the entire continent and install myself as President.