If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice, I would have English Channels round every country. And the atmosphere would be such that anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.

Never trust a man who has not a single redeeming vice.

If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.

[I am] horribly entangled with the Ancient Britons, the Romans, the Angles, Saxons and Jutes, all of whom I thought I had escaped from for ever when I left school!

In all correspondence, it would be more convenient to use the word "Persia" instead of "Iran," as otherwise dangerous mistakes may easily occur through the similarity of Iran and Iraq....Formal correspondence with the Persian Government should of course be conducted in the form they like.

A joke is a very serious thing.