The first maxim of English jurisprudence is that complainers should come into Court with clean hands.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Welcome to the world of bullshit, my dear. You have arrived.

There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.

If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.

A joke is a very serious thing.