There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.

If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.

I'm not Beethoven!

Where might is mixed with wit, there is too good an accord in a government.

We have a society where every hit maker and TV presenter is gay.

It's very important to have two tiaras when you're on the road. You never know when you'll be invited to something really formal.