I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.

Never trust a man who has not a single redeeming vice.

If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.

In the twinkling of an eye I found myself without an office, without a seat, without a party, and without an appendix.

I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place.