Quotes By Mark Twain

Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

It is wiser to find out than to suppose.

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

He liked to like people, therefore people liked him.

The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.

Love is madness, if thwarted it develops fast.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.

Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction is obliged to stick to probability, and truth ain't.

The art of prophecy is very difficult, especially with respect to the future.

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.

A discriminating irreverence is the creator and protector of human liberty.

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.

If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.

If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.