When God created man and woman, he did not take a patent. That's why any imbecile has been able to do so ever since.

Woman was God's second mistake.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Let us be thankful for the fools. Because of them the rest of us could not succeed.

It is pretty tough to reshape human society in an after-dinner speech.

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.