If you wanted to torture me, you'd tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos.

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.