If you wanted to torture me, you'd tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos.

Jon Bon Jovi

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By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Mark Twain

TryingEasilyLearnEndure...+1

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Mark Twain

FunnyChangePolitics

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

Mark Twain

HilariousTreeOpponents

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

Mark Twain

FatherStupidMen

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're misinformed.

Mark Twain

ReadNewspaperMisinformedUninformed