If you wanted to torture me, you'd tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos.

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're misinformed.