Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

I went to a radio station on Long Island in 1982, and thank goodness for me, it was so new that there was no receptionist. So the DJ opened up his booth, and took my tape and listened to it and thought it was a hit song.

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me."

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks - it says, Goodbye.