I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know.

Microphones are just like people, if you shout at them, they get scared.

Don't throw me teddy-bears, I'm 23! I'm a man! Throw me condoms or money! Paper, not coins.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.