Microphones are just like people, if you shout at them, they get scared.

I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it.

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.