Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

When a man hears himself somewhat misrepresented, it provokes him - at least, I find it so with myself; but when the misrepresentation becomes very gross and palpable, it is more apt to amuse him.

Douglas is playing cuttlefish, a small species of fish that has no mode of defending itself when pursued except by throwing out a black fluid, which makes the water so dark the enemy cannot see it.

Voting for Trump is like asking me to drive a car.

Morality has nothing in common with politics.