When it comes to gossip, I have to readily admit men are as guilty as women.

An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.