Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

I regret profoundly that I was not an American and not born in Greenwich Village. It might be dying, and there might be a lot of dirt in the air you breathe, but this is where it's happening.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.