I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

It's not all wet towels and naked women. I was so disappointed to learn that.

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.