I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

It's not all wet towels and naked women. I was so disappointed to learn that.