Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

First come the innovators, then come the imitators, then come the idiots.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four days.

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.