God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it wouldimprove the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

First come the innovators, then come the imitators, then come the idiots.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.