In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

Taking jobs to build up your resume is the same as saving up sex for old age.

Asking for financial advice from a financial planner is like asking a barber if you need a haircut.

I'd like to say "thank you" on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we passed the audition.

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.