In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

Taking jobs to build up your resume is the same as saving up sex for old age.

Asking for financial advice from a financial planner is like asking a barber if you need a haircut.

It is a very fine thing to refuse an invitation, but it is a good thing to wait till you get it first.

First, of things relating to animals; secondly, of irrational creatures; thirdly of plants; fourthly, of ceremonies; fifthly, of manners; sixthly, of cases or edicts or quarrels; seventhly, of cases that are impossible in nature [paradoxes], as, for instance, of those things which, the more is taken from them, the more they grow. And reserve the great matters till the end, and the small matters give at the beginning.

The authorities liked to say that we received a balanced diet; it was indeed balanced - between the unpalatable and the inedible.