An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

My constant prayer, these days, as I start my backswing is, 'Oh, please let me swing slowly.' The trouble is that sometimes I wonder whether I swing at all; whether I am not strictly a chopper."

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.