Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.

Humor is the good natured side of a truth.

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.