The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

You can always tell where Diana Ross has been by the hair that's left behind!

A moderately honest man with a moderately faithful wife, moderate drinkers both, in a moderately healthy house: that is the true middle class unit.

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.