It's a dangerous thing to be married right up to the hilt, like my daughter's husband. The man is at home all day, like a damned soul in hell.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four days.